Season II: Is that her ....Emma?

Previously on ..Is that her Emma?

Hot, lip-licking chick going for Emma.We later find out she is Lynette.
 Flash Flash.

Green eyed gal giving Emma the Look(that must be Dorah)
Flash

Dude Deo, eyes swollen and wet, saliva flowing (evident  palm tracks on cheek)


our ka jingle plays.....,gets loud,louder.....then fades ,fades....





Presently. Two guys are seen at a table with a platter with something that seems sweet. One Guinness,One Bell Lager and a Smirnoff Ice Black.
 You know I don't work  for a hard -drinks company, I just support them...and since these events happened that way,I have to mention the beer I was drinking! Yes.The Bell was mine.
The beauty with being Catholic.We are allowed a drink anytime,  in public,wherever, and its not a sin! Yippee!

The House rules,guys.This again is a Men Only post.Okay? So I won't be responsible for what your girlfriend does to you if she finds out you read such stuff! I will deny you.

Its been several days since my main man got slapped. By a one- day- old gal-friend at that! Such balls!...okay I meant guts! So we are seated at a platter when he receives this call.

       "Where are you?"
  (this question makes telephone companies rich.If it went out of fashion,or by any luck got outlawed, profits would drop. I tell you)

"I am  just leaving home."

"Are you sure Deo?"

"Yes Dorah. Did you want to come by............?"

"Nga I see your car packed out here....?"

Phone clicks off and previous caller confidenttly struts to our table,invades our pork and hence the Smirnoff Ice on table. 

Some time back:
As boys ,we watch each others' back. We are brothers. You there...not like that!  

Like I was saying..... brothers cover each others' back.So when Dorah asked me what happened at the Kasiki I kept to my part which gladly ends with me in my bed. If she wanted x-rated stuff,she had to ask someone else.
Deo had also been briefing me  earlier,some one had sold him out.

"Ggwe man. Do you know Dorah found out?"

"Found out......?"

"Yes  man.She even knows I was slapped by that ka Lynette.Whoever told her!"

"How many people know?"

"Ate how many? You, me,and Lynette."

"Do the math, man.Someone told some one.Are you sure they don't know each other?How did she react when she found out?"

"That girl is full of surprises.She just told me that she knows my type,mbu that whatever I do doesn't surprise her at all..can you imagine?!"

Presently......
Now Dorah,seated calmly and drink ordered,explains to me an interesting concept.I swear at the end of this lecture.I demand that God starts making chicks with user manuals.They are just so ever changing.You need a write out from manufacturer to understand them.

You think you  are wise?!

'You guys think you are smart,but you just don't know! For me I know this guy, he cheats,he lies he is a drunk,but I choose to stay with him.You see not many girls can stand that kind of guy. Nga we have gone through alot together!! Those bu-girls will come and go.Do you think she was the first? When she called me that  morning I hear to boast I just told her she won't manage and  I am not afraid of her.'

This is some lucky dude, I think. She is that understanding!

 It comes as a shocker brethren, when five months later I find Dorah pregnant ,and its not Deo's! Her explanation? Even patient women sometimes can't take   the shit no more.
"Tell your friend he can come for my kwanjula if he wants. Its next week- end."

carpe diem!

NOVEMBER  2007
KAMPALA - UGANDA

The whole country is awash with excitement.In a few weeks we shall make history.Uganda has been preparing for years.This is big.It is huge. New roads have been built.Old ones have been patched up.Schools have closed early.TV sales have shot up. You cant miss this!
Despite the heightened breath-holding,the lay people[read poor and /idle] have been denied use of the city in the days close to the big days.Boda bodas shall transact all their business in the suburbs.Flights have been controlled at Entebbe airport.Even the ladies of the night have been forced off Speke Road. For once,in many years Kampala City is actually clean.The town has flowers along the streets.You can even count the pot-holes,a task impossible before,and God-is-great no boda- bodas on Kampala streets.

This town seems strange! All the things which make Kampala..well Kampala,the traffic jam,human jam downtown,the cops controlling traffic lights are gone.For once traffic lights work on their own without any help from cops. In fact,instead of Policemen,the streets are lined by heavily armed soldiers. A revolutionary idea had occurred to some one in a high office and traffic police uniform had also changed,from the usual drab dirty -brown to snow white outfits complete with white gloves.Just face masks to complete the image-they could pass for surgeons.

Seven months earlier,this young man had made a visit to the Registrar General's office. The incident was forgotten soon after.

Now he has been asked where exactly he lives-(just to confirm,don't worry) ...and did you say you had an office? Can we check it out too?
Auditors must undergo paramilitary training in those schools of theirs.These guys do put up a scare! If they didn't dress smarter and more expensively than our average soldier,one would think they switch roles sometimes.
My two-roomed home is ransacked for information I didn't quite remember I had. Soon after,my 'guests' leave.Satisfied that the information they have collected will do.They can form an opinion with that.
I run for my Rotaract fellowship to cool off.

Kyamu made the announcement. I still remember his name.Kyamu. He made the announcement what changed my life.There,in a hotel conference room,with most media houses in presence.For the next  month or so,the news was all the rage.In my opinion. People tend to pick up even the smallest scraps of information when someone they know is involved.

Just in case you are wondering where this is going.....

Barclays Bank,East African Breweries and Celtel(now Airtel) sponsored a business plan competion for small businesses,like mine in partnership with Enterprise Uganda and Kampala City Traders Association (KACITA) in the run up to Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting in Kampala.
As  ususlly is the case,people talk and we got talking with friends when the promotion opened. Most believed it was a sham or at worst a plan by business delegates to poach ideas and business plans from unsuspecting young business people. Just for the heck of it,I gave it a shot. It was to turn around my life for ever.
Not many business people give back to fellow businesses.It does not make sense.But when it happens the recipient gets much more than the award. It made me realize that there are people out there who notice whatever we do and sometimes even cheer us on.

Since the award for Best Business Person in Rubaga Division came with a plaque and a few thousand dollars,I was ready fro CHOGM, just like the message  screaming from billboards allover town  when the Queen visited.

Is that her....Emma?

If you ever  ever meet a girl who checks out your gal more that she does you,RUN. She is dangerous. Remember the girls  your mother warned you about? She's group leader! Run mate.

 kyokka!!!

Because I am assuming no girls will read this,I will be plain with you guys.This is dude stuff.The label says 'men only' if you didn't notice.

I would wonder why a chick would check out another chick,especially after meeting her man! Studying competition perhaps? Like if she has a broken tooth,over age- wig,or maybe knock-kneed legs? So she can strike with full knowledge of competition's weaknesses?  Okay,when I said strike..I didn't mean it like that..um sorry Deo, I am going to tell on you.Just as an example.I wont say your name!! We are good.Right?
So,guys.Now that we have Deo's consent, I will take you right where it happened. We go for this friend's kasiki just to show face.Only my friend Deo didn't just show face.He is smooth on the dance floor, and the ladies noticed. That put me in a tight situation too.You see,Deo's official squeeze was around and she is this no- nonsese gal who you don't want to cross. Every now and then,she would give me this chilling look,like I am the reason her guy is that engaged. As luck could have it,someone had let it slip to the adoring belles that main mama was in the house.

 Iam quite excited when one of them fans heads my way.
Oh.So it rubs off? Huh! I am thinking! Hanging with the cool guy.Only I was about to be used.
"Is that her, Emma ....?"
"Her,who?"
"Deo's chick. Silly".
"....and you are?"
"Sorry.I am Lynette. We met some time during the meetings". Okay,so someone knows  me.Feels nice.
" Is she the one or not?" I am interrupted.
"Yeah.....but why do you ........?".There was no reason to complete the question  Lynette had disappeared  in the dancing crowd.

Unfortunately for my friend,main gal could not handle all the female attention dude was getting;and she left in a huff. Problem is,dude Deo had the only key.

4.39am.
Ring ring.Ring ring.
Damn! I thought I switched this thing off.

Me:(in sleepy and drunk voice)"Hello?"
Caller: "Man.I cant believe this! "
Me:"So you are calling me at this hour to share your amazement for something?" "You know what  Deo,I think it can wait till morning. Good ni......."
Deo:"Man,you don't understand.Its Lynette. Omanyi,she came back home with me.She must have heard my phone ringing before I did because she woke me up...."
Me: "Alright man.Thanks for the update.Let me get some sleep."
Deo:(hushed sneezing) "She slapped me, Emma! I was so shocked I just felt tears flowing down my face!"
Me: "Are you sure you are not confusing Lynette with Dorah?".
Him: "No.I wish it were Dorah. She  called me the time Lynette woke me up and I went out to answer the phone. But even before I could say four words on the phone,she was there standing  in front of me. She slapped me so hard my ear feels too swollen for my head.....and you know what made me cry the most? I only met her for the first time at the Kasiki !"

Wait for what Dorah will do,dude.