One elephant day

This goes waaay, way back while still at Campu. You see,I had the pleasure and honor of being a Lumumbist.The great elephants you must have studied about in your history..oba was it geography class. Those ones. I was one of them. Don't be asking me about Gongom yet. But to clear ground,he is good, I hear. I mean,the guy has an empire to himself.

But that is wolokotho.To the main point.(he he i dare you to find it)

When the news hit me that I will be residing in Lumumba hall, I was both sad and oba happy. You know that feeling? We heard that is where everything goes down,you don't leave the same. But these guys(us ) have a reputation too, they are just too hard to handle. Whatever can go wrong will go wrong in Lumumba.I didn't know whether I would catch up.Iam known to be slooow many times. Now news travels fast.An old family friend learns of my admission and my assignment to Gongom land. Ha! He was a rat this guy during his days(those of Mitchel).
He calls my old man chap chap.

Mzee.I heard the boy was given Lumumba for a hall! Ha ha. you are in trouble, fellow parent. Kids don't stay in Lumumba and remain focused. You must remove that boy immediately! Pay for a hostel or something.That is one hell of a hell hole(okay he didn't use those exact words. Ed.)

So,Mzee calls me for a discussion and we must have had that discussion most serious parents have with serious children.Those of stay away from girls,stay focused and read.. By the time I was escorted to my hall,I was determined to be a good boy,after all I was assigned an Annex.Those ga rooms where you have deckers competing with people in numbers.You had to be extra naughty to be creative in such a room! Poor old man's advise was unnecessary.

Then,I see something. One fyne morning I was going for a cold shower when I detect foreign sights in the hall shower rooms,I take a double check. I look closely. I am not lying,there was a girl.Yes a girl,casually draped in a towel waiting in line for the shower. Alone like this.I died.If I was supposed to be good,why were such temptations put in my way!Straight like that! Ha. That was followed by some joke that if Lumumba hall ever fell,like many thought it would,I hear they would find more female bodies than male. Such madness.

Now. because I was a resident in that Annex for a year.Nothing else interesting happened till I moved...other than some guy we named fresher sharp who on a state visit by his gal they get busy on the upper bunk which is in the way of those large Hall windows,and just as he turns to stretch..after you know what..the whole three blocks chorus, in unison;

"Eh Lumumba Oyeee!"
"Oh fresher sharp oyee.."

Poor girl walked out with an averted face to wicked clapping. Fresher sharp applied for a dead year.

Debt and the entrepreneur

I had reached an enviable step in my life as an entrepreneur and celebrated farmer. Enviable to mean that I now had a car (well it was a truck, but it counts, right?) and I had a revolving chair in my office, with an assistant. Enviable to mean that I had been quoted in a few business TV programmes about what I do and how I got there. I also had quite a list of clients and financial institutions on speed dial. That means that clients call you and make orders and money exchanges accounts without a meeting or even a visit to the office. Financial Institutions to mean banks and micro-finance institutions and loan sharks alike. Enviable to mean that I could now take a few holiday trips to Zanzibar, or Addis Ababa and Mombasa. It was a good time.

When you get to a point like that in your career as an entrepreneur, you are destined for great things and you seem to have made it and the only direction you are headed is upwards. That's what I thought too. Because this is the most precarious step in business and entrepreneurship. If you miss a step here and slip, you will go down down and quite fast. I know.I slipped. And your fall will be a long long one.

Like most people in that position (you will want to be here by the way, its good I tell you) the good things seem to follow you and you seem to lose the concentration of what matters and your decisions tend to be based on emotion and not on gut or calculation or any of that famous acumen at a all.

The roof doesn't fall in all at once but the signs are there and you will miss them because you are not prepared to observe them. You tend to call for more money (we call it business capitalisation, to give it a professional twang) every time you just feel like you need more money. Many times you don’t need that money and being where we are and our economy being Uganda's economy, credit it really expensive. But because everyone knows and probably envies you, when you call them for a few millions to be picked in the afternoon, they give. Soon you have to borrow some more to pay the old debt and much as sales come in to fill that gap often, miracles are not endless. So one time you will be short and your cash flow will be ugly and you are suddenly forced to acknowledge a really nasty situation for what it is. That is what happened.

You could still ask yourself, so what, after all you have your old business structures to fall back to, but they too get to a time and weaken and give way and you are left exposed in a really nasty way.
Interestingly as we grow up we hate debt, but if you choose business as your calling, you will have to unlearn and re-learn that credit is like oxygen on a death bed, you think you don’t need it and actually take it for granted while you are well only to realize its all that can save your life at that moment. They even charge you for it. So you need credit in business. But don’t over do it. Excesses have their own flipsides. A lot of times that you think you need to borrow, you actually don’t and I wish you don’t. Can you imagine how you ever survived while you had no job? And now that you have one you still are short of money even when you get paid bonuses and salary comes in promptly? You will not die, and some of those urgencies are really just illusions. Trust me, I know. Besides every time you borrow unnecessarily, it affects your focus. You now concentrate more on the debt and not on positive cash flow and if you ever meet with institutions that employ professional debt collectors as I did, you had better thank God if you get out of it with your health intact. You could easily die of stress or diabetes (yes, even in your early 20s) or any of those diseases which just tend to be in the woods waiting for a trigger opportunity.

The downside is, I lost my business and still remained with a mountain of debt to clear with a shovel. Your total existence is threatened when you lose a business especially if business is all you have done for a while. Options will not come to you that fast given that what ever you think of will have to sort out your huge debt that a healthy business was unable to before. Because by the time people trust you with their money, (bank or individual) they believe in your idea and what you have to show so far. New ideas don’t get the red carpet treatment like that, even if you are the same guy behind them. It’s harder. In fact, now they double check, always.

So, folks when you travel the entrepreneurial journey and make headway, be thankful. More still be careful especially about debt and credit, more so which has an expense to it. More importantly, treat debt like you would a loaded gun; very carefully. It can be the best security and it can also blow your brains out. In seconds.

the way you do the things you do

Don’t be thinking I am doing a rendition of UB40' hit. No. I and I only sing for church. Excuse me very much.
I am only telling you how you do the things you do and how it reflects on how you get the things you get. I found it interesting that people in all spheres of life can be loaded and their very neighbors broke. How now? What happened to sharing?
I thought all bankers were filthy rich,all doctors smell of money and all business people are actually money itself. Then I found out. Not so.

You see,it all depends on what you do and how you do it. It was a long time ago when I attended secondary school and even then on UTV there was this singer,in military fatigues,yes that one.Who we loved watching. We almost dedicated his songs in letters.He was big. You know.On TV. Fast forward to 2010 and I meet that same guy in town,vending his own CDs. What went wrong? Could it be he lost the spark sometime during the journey?

I tend to think that passion brings out the best in us and even if don't want the money,it comes nonetheless. Let’s take examples. The musicians who make it are not just those who sing best. No may dear,but those whose passion goes beyond them to the entire industry and they grow with it. The lawyers who know the law more are not the ones who get ahead ,except if you mean in research,but those whose passion makes them creative ans the move from collecting knowledge to almost artistic application.

You will find Accountants who are filthy rich and poor accountants too,and the story goes on in all professions,including banking.

Now,You have an idea and you want to make it big.How do you know how far you will go?Will you sacrifice all you have to give it your all? Would you sacrifice everything, and I mean everything to make your idea work? Even when everyone believes you are bound to fail,will you stick it out? You are on the road, Keep on with passion and energy and just don't let failure be an option. Take a look around and observe the successful business people around us. They are those who are passionate about disease.In the sense that they will do whatever they can do study analyze and just eliminate disease.They don't see negativity and death when you talk disease they see break through in saving life and real possibilities. So they build hospitals and excel at human treatment. They are those who are passionate abut dirt,and rubbish,and wherever they see a new building in the skyline,they see toilets and they see dirt and they see money so they bid to clean and make life better and they mint money with passion. What is your passion?

Sports? Farming? Painting or teaching? Note to reader,if you do not enjoy what you do,let it go,find something worthwhile for you time. Chances are you are cheating yourself and your colleagues too.That's where excuses come from. Quit and find your passion. Figure out how to drive it and get whatever you want.

WHAT IS A PASSION any way?
First, I’ll say what passion is NOT. A passion is NOT someone else's idea of what you should be doing. Even though you can and will use other people's observations about your talents and strengths in figuring out your passion, the final choice should be something that you decide is important to you. A passion cannot be an obligation or someone else's vision for you. It must be yours and yours alone. Here are some of the qualities of a passion.


A passion is something that often comes naturally to you.It 's raw. You are home doing what you love. You feel fulfilled.It interests you and it fulfills a need.
When you meet a passionate person, you know right away,the live and eat and breathe their passion.Ralph Waldo Emerson put sit succinctly;
"Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success. When you do a thing, do it with all your might. Put your whole soul into it. Stamp it with your own personality. Be active, be energetic and faithful, and you will accomplish your object. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm."

For an entrepreneur,passion will see you through the hard times when you meet mountains fro problems and during the days of boredom when a snails moves faster than your progress.And because you are the spark from which others catch the fire,working without passion is losing the war before the first battle begins.

for all the girls I have loved ..

I will say this once,because deep truths make me uncomfortable. That explains why I have kept this piece as a draft for so long.For some reason,I just couldn't keep it any more. This is my homage ,my appreciation my celebration to all the gals I have been honored to love and be loved by them.

Mum:
I hesitate to call you a gal.Well,because society wont allow me. But 'gal' expresses how I feel.We seem to grow together.We have played together,you sang to me,we cry together,you know my deepest fears.You seem to read my thoughts. My biggest comforter,and the first gal I met when I came here.You have taught me a lot. You, I have known longest and closest.You have shaped me and taught me how to love.I treasure every moment I have known you.You have sacrificed your life for me,in many ways.You gave me life. In my deepest fears and uncertainty,your words comfort me;"Whatever has a beginning has an end.You will be alright".

My sisters:
Boy am I lucky or what! Having come to have sisters like you is the best I could have asked for. I still don't know how to treat you,whether let you free or protect you too much. I guess we shall figure that out as we go along.Having been born after some of you and before the rest of you has given me this feeling of knowing you at all ages,all the time.
Monica and Jane,Rest in Peace. I know you still look beautiful where you are.You must make them smile. You left too early. Sadly, I never had the courage to tell you I loved you .I still do. Do you read where you are? I hope you get my feelings now.

My angel:
You,I have expressed how I feel. May be because we share a life.But you can never say enough.You know how I am, I am a man and our deep thoughts don't tend to come out often,even when they should. Thanks for what you have brought to my world,love,guidance,a soft touch and for making me a Dad.Woman of my life. I love you.

My princess:

If you study hard,some day you will read this...and probably understand it.You have re-focused my life..and you are so pretty. You rock. I will do my best to be my best.I just feel blessed to play the Dad part in your life.So we shall play and have fun and enjoy our lives. I love you too.Well,because you said if first.

My friends:
There are great women who have played teacher,mentor,friend,colleague and so many roles in my life. I know that we do not remain the same when we meet great people. It rubs off. Whatever role you have played in my life. Know I appreciate it..and I celebrate that association.

Happy Women's day to you all.

How I wish government could help . . .

All of us must remember that part in our childhood when we would get money every time we needed something, from parents, relatives and even older working friends.
We must also remember the transition from student to working class 'professional' and just how hard it was for us to ever again be given money! Isn't it ironic? Now we needed it more! And we somehow cannot explain to our young friends and children how we may not have money. And they could wonder...and yet you go to work everyday! Then, government was mummy and daddy, well and every relative who could chip in.

People just expect governments to help.
I heard this a lot while I was working with 'the working poor’, it’s an NGO term to describe people who can be helped to overcome poverty. I used to train them and design strategic plans for their small organizations. So one time this phrase comes up and I take serious notice. I pose a question. ‘Okay, supposing we have identified a problem in our lives (these kind of government appeals mostly tend to be personal in nature), please close your eyes and for once imagine a specific action being carried out by government.’ The answers I received were numerous, some of them hilarious like, someone saw 'government' hoe- in- hand fixing a trench in the neighborhood

I personally believe that we tend to rely too much on our governments, wherever we are. Not that they don’t have a responsibility, they do but they are not our parents! That’s where capitalism comes in. Ingenious people identify problems and challenges to their communities and decide to solve them, for a fee. Because our expectation of a good life should come from government, government tends to be happy for progress made and some rewards maybe made still, to the problem solver. You must remember the time when trade with Southern Sudan was a tough cookie, because of the insecurity in both Northern Uganda and Southern Sudan. That is also the time that most money was made by dare-devil traders. They could have asked for government intervention,though eventually they did and roads have been built and there is relative security but profitability has gone down too because every one can now trade. So,how do you balance external help with acumen?


Supposing you woke up one day and you are in a foreign country? It could be Japan or China (which we know a little about) or USA or Britain (which we know a lot about).Or even Kazakhstan or Dominican Republic. What would you do, to not just live but prosper too? Picture the many people who go to foreign countries without knowing the language, culture or even any one and how they prosper and rule the world they choose. I am sure not too far from your office one of them owns the building. Which skills did they fall to? Are they attainable anyway? Is it even ever too late?
No, it's not. You can start now.They start by taking matters into their hands,literary, and doing what has to be done. The guy who get work done,no matter the challenges is the guy who gets ahead,you could call that guy the astute businessman. You are in business by solving problems for money. Simply put.

I dabble a little in real estate and recently ‘estates’ are all the rage(never mind that some are just apportioned bare blocks of land).For the ingenious though, after sub dividing the land, and grading through what you could call a road, they start marketing the plots and people begin building, they approach government to offer their ‘God-given’ or is it vote given role of providing infrastructure. In such cases government is only willing to help, or be seen to help anyway, and many such estates have had roads built and the value has gone up. It's a win -win situation, the home owner gets a road, the entrepreneur's estate appreciates in value and government is happy with its service to the people.They could have built the road themselves,but they don't have to,and because they have started the process,it's justifiable for the government to chip in.

Your cash flow tends to follow a certain pattern when you have one restricted source of income. We live on dreams. They inspire us. They give us hope. If you do not dream, you will never live your dream. Well, you have none! A doing attitude therefore is quite necessary in the game. The fact that you do whatever you have to do whether you get external help or not.Come to think about it,if everything was as good as we wanted it to,where would the opportunities in business be? Though I hasten to add here that governments exist to make our lives better,by establishing an enabling environment; for peace, for people to live well and prosper,to be healthy,to have power( I mean electricity)..and so on. So they build roads and provide other essential services. The role of creating a paradise out of a country does not fall on their shoulders,it is yours. Your role.

Back to our question. What do you see 'government' doing when you close your eyes? And if its not all yet done,would that pose an opportunity for you? To fill the gap? Provide the service? How about you start now?

I met a P.I.M.P

If you are an average guy or chick for that matter,this post is not for you.Because the people you know who normally do this work are called bulookas(brokers).So thanks for visiting.Do come again. Bye.

Now that we have the pervs as audience.Welcome again.
The story starts here. Once upon a time...........and you repeat "a long long time a go".

I traveled to Dar -es Salam. Damn,this city is hot.Eh! Sorry. No swearing in stories.In order to take advantage of cheaper flight rates, I booked early and even flew early,(I suspect to leave the plane for more paying passengers).Since main business started Thursday morning,my Monday morning flight left me idle by the time I touched down. I had days to kill. So I call some one.I have friends in hot places. He picks up,he was just having a lecutre,but since I am his international friend come a visit ,he leaves the lecture.
I ask him,
"Now friend,have you ever been to Wandegeya?"
"Wande-wa?" he asks also. I conclude he hasn't.
I ask again,
"Okay,where in Dar is a place like Wandegs?" he is bright,he must have watched Wandegs in his TV.He tells me such a place is called Sinza.
Sinza is like Wandegs in two or three ways.It is close to town but yet with the friendly prices of a friendly place. I pick a cab. I have a few friends with me. In the hot cab is an old man .He realises we are Ugandan. he gets into our culture. You see we talk alot. Ask MTN,we even jam network.MTN you will pay later.That is a kalango.The man talks about history,about Dar about the cousin he has in Uganda, about Zanzibar. Wait..did he say Zanzibar? .Are we the type that has four days to kill? ..and you are sure he said Zanzibar? We listen,meanwhile our brains are turning around this hot piece of information and pictures,oba diagrams are drawing themselves in our heads..how slaves be sold in Zanzibar and how sultans,those of Bargash be ruling in richness..our minds are picturing...

He said somethig in swahili,and we knew we had got to Wandegs,sorry Sinza.My friend was there waiting.We check into a hotel and we soon go looking for supper.No,lunch.Yes.Lunch. Because we are tourists we decide to walk back into Sinza and them amazing sights be before our eyes.There are pubs everywhere in trees.No.Not like birds in trees but since it's so hot,why build buildings?You just kwesooka a nice shady tree and a pub is established. We enter.(Sounds funny,entering a tree?) We enter the pub and take some drinks.They realise we are Ugandan,they play Chameleone,and Tindatine,can you imagine!? Long story short,we sleep at five a.m.

Now,if you want to die.Don't die before you take a speed boat to Zanzibar.Do that and you can die anytime. It amazing,ocean water being white as the speed boat slices through it. Then you pass by large ships as you go,its like overtaking buses on Masaka road. That is how awesome it can be. I even took a picture which facebook blocked. So we land in Zanzibar.

Enter my pimp friend. Friend because,this is twelve hours early ,but since, well he is a PIMP ha calls every one male, friend. Now,its hard enough to find someone who speaks english in Dar.Multiply that by the square root of seven and give me the answer. It's muuuch harder in Zanzibar.

"Maen! Whazzup?
"Man,we ara fine.We want hotels",and pimp takes us to a hotel having trippled the prices.
We inspect the rooms and they are oba mouldy! It's low season.But because Americano as we called pimp was a welcome relief in a world of coast swahili and arabic,we warmed to him early only to realise he was cheating us.Swahili guy tries his best English on us to let us know Americano is cheating us.Why should we trust him?,we ask and he says "ask someone else other than him and me". "Because he has taken you away from my hotel I also take you away from him.Even I was going to cheat you, I am honest" Any business pupils in class? Take notes.
We ask a third party and we realise the truth.We don't book.

Now this is a warning,.Movies are fiction.They should never be related even remotely to reality.Even sports channels. Dude with us tells us in glowing terms how he knows a good place for lunch,and we are all hungry now.We hire a Super custom and get there.The ads showed them in good light.But that was all. We settle for Birhian in the next kafunda. Using the same informant,we drive all the way to North Coast,only to realise since it's low season,they are deserted and you can't do a lot on kilometres of white beach sand except collect shells and take pictures. We do that and return to stone town.

In stone town,we had visited him Bargash the sultan's palace,slave market and the ancient town.It's magical. But we return at night and struggle to find a beer. We have done better scaling walls.Beer is a rare commodity in Stone town Zanzibar,except in Komba discotheque.

This is the real thing! All you pervs ,may I have your attention please? I find my friend Americano a.k.a P.I.M.P on duty.Daytime job,if you can call it that. He tries to skive drinks off us,mbu he will give us company.We refuse. Club opens at midnite.We enter.We dance. We dance the shuffle.We seem to be the only group dancing the shuffle so everyone comes our way,and then Americano has no job.They play Juliana and Chameleone and Tindatine arrrgh again!

Now.I apologise,I will not tell you what else happened.We had a great time.All you people who saw us spent in Bagamoyo,this is where the term 'memory loss' was coined and this is where we lost all our money.Ask no more questions.

Having looked even for a a guy to speak broken English and failed,I am leaving the club last and this bouncer tells me in crisp Luganda."Ba ssebo mwebale kujja.N'enkya tujja kukola"

School of hard knocks,hustling while young

I thought Humorist George Ade would guide us right through title,after all isn't society constructed to make us persevere through the hard times! A lot of people have discussed the merits and demerits of school life and our education system. How it doesn't prepare us for real life. I will not join them.Instead I will concentrate on the opposite University across the Street,also sometimes called the University of Understanding. In this school you never graduate,but your lessons pile up high since you enroll and experience comes with them all. In this school,they don't issue graduation certificates,rather it just shows through what you achieve or sometimes the wrinkles on your face.

Not many people will tell you the risks or even hard part of doing business or going it alone. And this not meant to scare you.Just to prepare you.The best times are in business,the sky they say is not just the limit,it is the starting step to achieving your world.Like all good things however,it doesn't come cheap.It has a price,that must be paid way before the harvest. You must have heard of the law of the harvest,that you only reap what you sow and that you can never cheat nature,if maize takes three months to mature, you can't force it to mature earlier. So is life as it should be. Early preparation just like normal school is helpful, so is doing your home work.I n case you are already where you desire to be,give the lesson to your children.Encourage them to work on everything constructive and most importantly that which has a money element to it.

I had a proud childhood. Now that I think about it.Where parents provide but don't limit your potential to achieve more. In the village where we lived,we had several large coffee shambas and despite attending school being first priority, our teacher- Dad let us know that if we needed more than he could provide(or wanted to provide we suspected), we needed to do more than we were doing. I mean,we all knew he would spend money on weeding the farm and picking the coffee cherries. The catch was,if we found time(normally classified as strict play time) and did work that was designated 'for pay' then why not, we join the paid rank. So if you ever wanted non -school going shoes or those Savco jeans then,you were welcome to the farm,and missing the football match in the process. We didn't complain,because we only worked if we needed something.But the innovation of young age was not spared.
We bordered a large forest, constantly full of lumbering and, as children, loved the smell of oil mixed with wood saw dust.So we would go inspect every time we heard a 'machine' lumbering close by.After a while we also realized we could make some money too,a few errands here and there,getting the timber waste for fuel and lifting sawed timber for those of us who were heavy set enough for a few coins. We were then rich kids the next day. Surprise surprise,the same formula works so many years when I get into business. You must work for what you need. I guess the reason it wasn't ever classified at child labour then,was because we went to school first and did some work at leisure.

Times have changed.You don't have to live in a village like mine to encourage the young ones to be innovative or even earn some of their money.Music is now gladly paying and so is sport.So is software.Software is so easy for kids to manipulate,before you know it they could be the next billionaires. Not mentioning creativity with interiors and beauty solutions. Irrespective of whether they intend to make if a full time job or not,the training is invaluable. All I am saying is that those have opportunity to promote a hobby or passion within their young ones,it's an invaluable lesson that will serve them years to come.An example of an icon started young Michael Jackson can attest to that.

Children may not have the confidence to go forward. They don't see the potential for accomplishment. They may not believe in themselves or their ability to conquer the situation. Encouraging words and patience are needed from parents to help them through. And as Albert Einstein said,"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing."

Nairobi hangovers!

This post would have a better title if only I have been even remotely sober every time I visit this City.It's not my fault by the way.Contrary to popular belief, I don't drink much. In fact I am polite,and one you would describe as a social drinker. I know what you are thinking.Stop now. Bell while at home and Tusker mkubwa the other side of the border.

I still remember my first visit to Nairobi a long time ago. Like all first visits you observe a lot.Trying to acclimatize with the new environment.Our hosts met us at a pub(you remember I told you it's not my fault? Now you believe me?),and I was trying to decide what to order.I decided,what the heck, I will take the first thing I saw as I entered the bar,it must have been Hooters.I mean the bar,not the drink.That problem out of the way,I order for Tusker,unlike here where Tusker means the malt,there ,malt is called malt and Tusker is Tusker...eeish.How easy is that! Any way,I order. Then this waiter chick decides to complicate things ati moto au baridi? I looked at her.Obviously I did not know what she meant,even if I had known I did not know how to answer.So I looked at her, confused.She was not letting. She asked her question again. Now,while in Nairobi the town seems to be on a marathon of sorts,no,not a marathon a dash, I think. Everything from walking to speaking are done at a fast speed,more like to get them out of the way and do other things.Not enough time.Not like home where we speak slowly,walk like we are on holiday,the taxis(matatus) reverse to pick us up.I suspect in the near future they may even help those six -inch -heel- trotting bu-gals cross the road. No hurry in Uganda. Sorry, I got carried away.Eeer we are at Hooters... yes..waitress looking at me wasting her time. So I seek help from my right hand neighbour who happened to be Ugandan too. She had noticed my predicament and she tells me, just say Baridi. I ask her,but what does baridi mean,and she simply insists just say baridi.So I say baridi and the waitress chick goes. I later learn that was my first Swahili lesson and it was to serve me well during the numerous visits to the Nairobi and to the bars too.

Then we go sight seeing. The safari walk,the Sarit centre,mbu to shop,well I managed to buy a book.The museum..yeah I think it was the museum,but the name could be different and then the Panari Sky centre. This is where my second lesson was waiting.Kenyan money. Let me take you back.When my bus arrived at River Road,it was early morning,and they warned me to stay in the bus till day light.Nairobi is not as friendly as Kampala by night.So I waited.But I wanted to buy gum,so I called this hawker around the bus terminal to get me gum. Good thing,he had gum,and I had money.So we exchange. I give him a Ksh 1,000 note. He stares at me. I wait for my change. Back home,chewing gum goes for Ush 200,or Ush 100 then.So just give me back my 900. The guy politely asks me if he can go to the bus office and find change. I say yes. He comes back 10 minutes later and tells me ,we may have to wait till the bus cash office opens before we can get change. I say no problem. Then someone notices our exchange and asks me.
"Do you realize what you are asking the man to do?"
I ask,"What? I am just buying gum"
So he breaks it down for me.Gum is like Ksh 5 and you have just given that guy Ksh1000. Then it sinks in.

Now to my friend who goes 'shopping' at Panari centre.She gets into the clothes' boutique and notices this really nice sweater. She asks the price and they say 7,000. She goes,
"Wow,you guys really are cheap.Pack me two sweaters please"
They start packing. Then it hits her,that the 7000 was Ksh. She gets out her phone,gets the calculator application and she mumbles an apology to the attendant. We head to the bar. You see,if you were from Nairobi and came to Uganda,such a scenario would not arise,because our money is 'more' it sounds an alert when you are told the price.Then you compute.On the other hand,if you are handling Kenyan money for the first time,it seems so little,till you realize after conversion.

Anyway,my hosts were so nice they took me to a three course dinner,at that place Chillers.They even asked my friends and I to be a tad formal,and we enjoyed the dinner.So we go upstairs where the bar is.You know how you can be after a hard day's work or walk when you see your first beer being poured into a glass?It's very very relaxing,and that first sip! Aaah! You can feel it wash down all the day's dust down the throat. We were thus occupied when my friend seated right by the counter feels something on his forehead.Something smooth. He looks up to see a stripper right there on the counter looking down on him and her foot on his forehead. I hope now you realize why I chose to just be drinking throughout my trip.

Oh.I had forgotten. There's is this guy who decides to buy us all beer. We have since become friends...and dude whenever you get to read this,know it's a warning.I almost turned into an alcoholic since then because of you and your turn to be drinking Nile beer non-stop every time you visit has not even began. That marked my first visit,of course not mentioning F1,F2,is there an F3?

I missed church at my host's home.Actually walked in as they returned from first mass.Just because some dude decided to run out of cash and go use the ATM at K street. Of course now that he had the money,we had to drink it.

how to sell your way through life

I write this for the foot soldier.Constantly dusty shoes,perpetually knoted tie,sweaty-bag in hand,some times khaki envelope. You are the sales man. You bring business to work.You are the weather- beaten guy.You make it rain,you earn the commision.
I write this for the Librarian.You work in an institution,probably academic. Glad you escaped the life of sales where you constantly hussle. You make your peace with shelves and books and knowlege and deal with those who invade your privacy like you rule the intelligence world and you swear you will never sell anything till you die. You don't even have the talent,or skills, you claim.

I write this fo the accountant.Stripped short sleeved shirt.Rarely smiles.Constantly in tie. May be you are the bursar.Thick rimmed reading glasses. You collect and balance the money, and books but never quite ventured into 'sales'. It's not your job to know who 'causes' the money you count. You just do your job.

I write this for the entrepreneur.At some stages called the shop keeper or the bar owner sometimes, the barber.We always start with a tag like that. Entrepreneur by then is such a big word we don't fit its description.

As long as you live,you live a life of negotiation,may be in traffic may be in church for a seat may be at a job interview.You convince people to let you through. You sell yourself constantly. The good news is that when you learn the art,you live a joyful life. The constant is,that no mattter who you are,you never escape this reality.You must learn sales. The art of selling yourself to others. The even better news is that as a business owner.This skill is indispensable. You live to sell, and sales will sink you if they just are not enough. You must always constantly attract people who believe in you,your product,your service.Why do I allude to the almost always isolated librarian? because you may never know that your progress is entirely dependent on how many people or situations you handle with a smile and pleasantly.Knowing how to win people over your way gets you results,it earns you money; it lifts you high.No matter the position you occupy or the job you do,the highest posts are occupied by people with the art of selling.

A pleasing personality is priceless ,and so is planning and a knowledge of your and the client's business. In my life, learning from the street, I have picked up some street-wise ways.
Smile always.
People love smiling people. Be they strangers or friends or children. Sales people therefore need to smile more than anyone else.But don't over do it.People can detect a fake or forced smile. Make it genuine. Have you noticed how people smile back when someone smiles?They also open up.Don't worry about the uneven teeth,they won't notice.But they will notice the smile.

Always know that no matter the price you quote,it will always be negotiated. Present your best price.Act surprised when your prospect challenges your idea or price. Surprise makes people take a double take. They ask themselves whether they were right in the first place.

Know when to leave, or stop or take a break. Nothing irritates more than a sales person who wont take a hint.

Appear friendly and more of a customer with the client's interest in mind more than yours. Once I was a bottled water sales man,and I went to boost my sales at a Health Club.The client instead made a complaint about our service. I did not complain back or defend myself or our product. I listened. I also paid over the counter for a sauna session. Twenty minutes later,sweating from the sauna and mixing with the rest of the patrons, I asked him what he wanted me to do about his initial complaint. I did not seem to him like a salesman who takes money from him,I was a client who supports his business. He gave me the best terms possible,and my order was bigger by the time I left, despite the initial complaint. Ofcourse I had to fix the problem too.

If you forget every thing else,remember this,how well you sell yourself to other people will determine how fast you go through life and how high you climb. For the entrepreneur,excuses of shyness (or you know me Iam not good with people)are of no consequence here.This is one skill that will make or break you .Learn it and perfect it.

I did not mean this 'selling' yourself!!

Will you be my valentine?

Good night boys and girls. Is n't that how they greet when it is at night? Because in the morning we said,good morning,we can't be repeating ourselves.

So the question has been popped.Quick.Your heart begins to race. No.It doesn't. Its your feet.You run to the nail.You unpluck your favourite red shirt.You whip it out once,.Whoosh.Dust flies. Some saliva on finger tips.You reline the moustache..slowly turning bushlike. You tap tap that overgrown kaweke hair into an almost perfect afro. Hah. Now  shoes. The red ones have dust,you get the nearest rug to wipe off the sweat,or is it soup oba dust(whatever it is,you wipe) and you are ready,two minutes after the question was popped.

That is how Valentine's day will be from now on.A high class committee meeting sat. Don't say ssha! oba msweww..I was there.I took the minutes. High impact decisions were taken. I give you a sneak peak.You thought you were my friend for free? Here.

I am here today, to tell you  what will happen tomorrow,or is it the other day,whenever that Holi-day will fall. Valentine holiday.
A great day has befallen us(the Chairman whispered with fear),without warning,and all the calendars of the world are this moment re-shading themselves in red. Yes,if you were inquiring where the red theme comes from;from the calendars.

                                            Diagram 1:example of first date kiss
Minute 1:Girls.It will be your turn to carry flowers to the boys and pay for dinner too.The rewards are that even if you forgot to bring flowers,now you will know why it 's not such a big deal. He won't throw you out...and I hope you stay long enough,when you drop him off to know that kissing on a first date is actually o.k. We(meaning aforementioned high profile committee) heard your complaints and we have decided to give you a chance to lead the celebrations.Dont mess them up.

Minute2: The new official colour will be yellow and green. Red and Black are overused.So let me see me some green shoes boys.

Minute 3:No chocolate people. The factories want their people to have holiday also.Since its going to be different this holiday,buy rolex instead.Rolex people can work instead.

We are done here. See,it's not a big deal. Now go.

P.S. Iam not sure it will be a holiday,but not to worry,plastic flowers can be cut several days before. That is why you have a desk drawer at work.

Dear customer,you are fired.

Business exists for the customer,right? Very right. We need to do whatever we can to attract more customers while we hold onto those we have ,right? Wrong. Much as it is true that we can never ever survive or come into being if we do not have customers,it is also important to know that not all customers are the same,and hard as it may be to appreciate not all customers are suited for your business.

As employees,we are used to this happening,where you get fired.It's rumored some employers even get satisfaction firing someone.However,the same is not a common occurrence with customers, after all we say customer is king,and it would be a fool who 'fires' his own king! Imagine that.

I had been in business for a while and getting clients is not the easiest thing that happens to you when you are doing business.Actually you have to happen to the customers,if you like, for them to notice you and even give you business. I had    this new  client who was doing wonders to my world. The biggest at that moment,and biggest I mean,his weekly orders were about double my other clients'. My product seemed to be flying off his shelves. We were a match made in heaven. I mean,when I went to collect my cheque, I would never leave without tea with the boss. I was happy. I was living the business dream. I wanted and even prayed for more clients like that,and he was even good enough to recommend other institutions that needed my services.

This was the agreement. I will deliver whenever you call, and I will pick my cheque after a week. Agreeable. However,if you ever order for the week is out,that would indicate that all my stock has been sold and therefore,arrangements shall be made for my payment to be made after the next delivery is done. No need to wait the week.Still agreed.

So we happily did business. My other clients could have suffered. We concentrated on this client.When he ordered,we jumped. He was our priority. There are challenges though with depending on one person for business growth or even survival. After a while,payment was not as regular,but hey, we were friends,or were we?
So I did not ask too many questions. Then we got to the interesting part where suppliers we re required to pick payment for Kampala supplies from another branch.The problem with that kind of arrangement is that no one knows you when you go to collect payment,you could just be another messenger,so they can even ask you to come back another week.Just like that. I did not ask or complain about the arrangement till ironically our initial order size tripled. You can still argue this was huge business and he would pay eventually,right? May be. The credit was killing the business. You see when you do not get paid when you should be and yet you need to produce more you need to find another source of financing to fill the gap. At your cost of course,what did you think. One of the skills I have picked up in this business game,because it is a game,is to trust my instinct.
One morning I woke up,with a huge smile on my face. I even wore a tie that day. Yes. I camped at my 'favorite' client's  office,and nicely asked to see the boss. Tea was served. Yes. I saw boss and we chatted a while and I asked for full payment for previous deliveries. "Is this necessary",he asked. "Yes" ,I responded,and kindly reminded him that we have also considered stopping supplying till all balances are cleared.

I did get payment in about five installments in a period of five months and our relationship came to a close. You could say,it had already suffered the day we disagreed on interpretation of the agreement. When the business was sold a few months later, I must have thought I had psychic abilities.

'how much would like to be paid, sir?'

You have been asked that question. May be. Depending on who is asking, answers differ. See, It’s a trick question. If you are at an interview they are just being nice, they don't really want to know! You don't believe me? Ask them now that you have the job. Okay, sometimes they really mean it. So give a reasonable answer.

I would have looked for the catch in the question if the phone had not rung that moment, and she calmly said into the receiver...'.I will call you back, I’m meeting the Consultant.'  That from my former boss too!
You don't seem to believe me, but I can show you the contract for that job. Right below where my signature lies is the actual word.. .’Consultant'. I didn't know what I had done, to be hired as a trainer/consultant but that eavesdropped conversation let me in on the fact that I was actually more important than I thought. It was only then,don't worry.


 Now, to the consultant's work. I thought I had 'escaped' teaching. I come from a family of teachers. But when I stood there in front of men and women fit to be my parents, they pitied me...and when I introduced myself and told them I had a degree, they pitied my parents. One participant actually confessed to it at close of the training. But I knew that if we don't share honestly what we know with others, it ends with us and it may never really sprout and bless as many people as it was meant to. So I shared my story. The farming business story.

This is what we all are. We have a dream job or career or business as we study or grow up and even sometimes arm twist our children to follow the same. But truth be told sometimes our dream jobs are not exactly that. We are still unhappy in them. But because of the attitude we picked up as we grew up, we keep from doing that which we may secretly desire or even be good at that which gives us happiness.

I met teachers and Veterinary Doctors and a few nurses who had come to attend that training, but they still introduced themselves 'professionally ' first before adding that the are also farmers, on the side(many said).
UNDP sponsors a project headquartered in Masaka and I had been asked to train farmers 'how do farming as a business'. We covered several districts, including the Island areas too. I am sure a lot of the participants did not come for the knowledge. I told you what they thought.
To make the doubting Thomases even happier, my co-trainer was David,and he is even younger than me by several years. We chatted, we interviewed and we trained. Then question time came, and this elderly lady stood up and asked a question.”Why would you ever leave a job to go into rearing chicken?"
I had been mistaken to think that all these people had actually come to learn, to share experience and plan to get better in agricultural business.
Looks like every one else had the same question because hands went down so fast I had one question to answer. And so I did.

"To start with", I said, "I am very glad doing what I do. May be that is why I am here with you. I will tell you why. This country has over 80% of its population dependent on agriculture. Most of them are subsistence farmers though, that is why they have to do other jobs to get by. You also know that this country has the best climate in the region and the most fertile soils you will ever find. Things grow without help. I mean we have local chickens 'rearing themselves' in our back yard. Just imagine what would happen if we put a little effort into farming that and actually did it as a business. This is what would happen. We would get a lot out of so little. Because we are blessed with climate and fertile soils, we would also be very competitive across the region."

I knew deep inside that what my trainees wanted to know is whether I made any money rearing chicken. I am sure you want to know too. So here we go. If I sold a chicken egg for Ushs 200 and my profit was Ushs 50. It would make a lot of sense if I sold more eggs. The mere fact that I make a profit off each egg also means I have the potential to make a lot of money. So, what if I sold 1000 eggs? That is how much I would be earning in profit, Ushs 50,000. How about if I sold a million eggs? So supposing I sold the million eggs in a month or in a week, is that profitable business? It could be tomatoes or greens or even beans. The formula is the same. That is why Cigarette companies make billions of shillings yet their product is cheaper than a button, and their market is even restricted. With farming, we are talking food and each passing day we have to eat. We can not opt out.

The lady was not done yet. "But do you make any money? Are you saying you can actually get rich out of farming?"  And I said yes. I was also making money out of training farmers.

What it means to be a developing country is that most, if not all resources are virgin. Untapped. Therefore it is much easier today to make successful business than, say one hundred years from now, and the reason we have over 80% of our population producing less than 30% of GDP is because most farmers are just that..farmers, not business people. Once they acquire business training and think the same way stock traders or car bond managers think, we have a rich class of people on our hands.Don't forget what Al Gore said, "the next billionaires will be food billionaires|". Think about it. Maize nowadays is not just on demand for  food alone,but for fuel too.

I did not know whether I had really answered her question, but one year later, when we had a review, an elderly lady still stood up during question time and said.
  'I will be very honest with you. I did not believe you then that you can actually survive off farming alone, and for a person who went to school, I did say a prayer for your parents. But then I went back and tried raising my local chicks with a bit of business sense. Now I vaccinate them, and I look for market before they are ready. Everyone in Sembabule knows the lady with nice chicken. I am not rich yet, but my grand children don’t lack fees any more. I would like to thank you. If I were not old, I guess I could be able to do better.'
I felt that my whole session was done. It is touching to know you made an impact however small in some one's life.

wake me up when I am rich and famous..

Growing up,I wanted to be rich and famous,travel the world,live in a palace of a house...the works.When I graduated,the dream lived on,but now I had to take stock and choose the route to live the dream(like there was a route then). Sadly, I didn't see many routes.

When I got my first job,the dream was still alive,but how to move towards it,not many encouraging paths. I mean how do you travel the world on my salary then! Madness just. By the first month,I had already calculated how much I would earn in a lifetime,ceteris paribus.....If I keep the job till retirement and  if prices kept the same(he he he..funny that one).

Sadly,my lifetime(forecast) earnings would not even buy me a decent house at market rates then, yet the dream tagged along...remember,the works,travel the world,drive a cool car.

Then I stumbled upon Kiyosaki.Yes.Robert Kiyosaki of the Rich Dad Poor Dad fame. I must have re-read that book  about five times.That book spoke to me. I have met people who have blessed the person who pointed them in the direction of the book.I have also met people who said that was the best selling rubbish they ever came across(of course not read).Totally useless ,they say.

 By the time I put down the book,I had a new problem. So how does one work on starting a business?

My problem was made more interesting because I was working for a not-for-profit-organization then. During the last quarter of the year,we always struggled to spend our allocated budget.We always underspent. I don't know why.Some say, a few of us were incompetent. But shift the slide and my real life did not have the same challenges. Those would be lovely challenges.Imagine struggling to spend on a personal budget.Too much money too little time! On the contrary, I never did have enough money...and the book said business would be the same..a lot to spend on and not enough money.

How do I marry these two? Congratulate me, I had a second problem.

Over and over again,I thought and thought.

 My answer was not far off.

On a random Monday night,sometime in April 2005, I woke up. Not rich  and  famous,not even to lights, cameras and music,but to painful grunts. I was in hospital. I had just had an accident and I had blacked out for about three hours ,they told me. A few moments later,my worst fears were confirmed. I had a broken arm,a broken leg and a concussed head.

This is the point at which you say,I am sorry and shed a tear or two.

Thanks.

I always knew we were  close friends.

That episode above started my four months thought process.I was hospitalized that long,well,till I was able to walk with  just a limp.During which time my self confidence suffered a real blow,what with being helped to do just anything.

During that time,I was idle and I read a lot.Yes I have that addiction. Every time I would get a call from work,my  thoughts would race  in my head,and I would always think;

'These guys are firing me!'

 I mean ,I caused an accident.Was most likely over-speeding.Was my insurance renewed?

One time, I even received a voluminous envelope marked 'Private and Confidential'.I prayed from my hospital bed for this not to be my termination letter. God works. It wasn't. It was just a staff survey questionnaire. HR stuff. You should have seen my relief. The reality is, while you are at your weakest point,you tend to expect the worst to happen. You just feel it.

However,one thought that never left my mind,and which troubled me greatly was ; what happens  if at my next review the doctor looks  at me straight in the eye and tells me 'I am sorry son ,you will never be able to walk again'.  I had no answer........and what if I could never use my left hand again? Would I get back my job? That answer I had...and so I hoped and prayed.

This  was a full year before I ever went into business.But the need was felt and my first business was birthed. 

I set my self a modest target. If  only I  were able to earn just a quarter of my salary from my business,I was  ready to roll.

I left before I reached the target,but I was determined to succeed on that route.

Sometimes you will be lucky along the road of entrepreneurship,sometimes not so lucky. In my second year of self employment(I was still the only employee of my business),I actually woke up rich and famous.Well ,sort of.  I won a business plan competition. There were lights,music,cocktails and gladly business training too from  Enterprise Uganda.

I wish you win too,sometime,but I will also tell you ..... It may never happen. So don't go into business to win money.Rather to create your own,by supplying a good or service that only you or just a few of you can give. You get competitive that way.

I will warn you though,there will be no barriers. In a week you may come from a one industry player  to having attracted competition in thousands,from as far away as China,and you haven't even left Luwum street. So you need to keep innovating and upping your game,and you learn as you go. You must have heard of globalization,right? With globalization,the opportunities are immense, but so are the challenges.You now compete with the whole world as if it were next door.

On a lighter note. I was able to walk again, and my hand healed.But the motivation stayed.Call it what you want,negative motivation,but it got me off.

Looking back,I can only marvel. I have gone places I never knew existed and I have grown too.My prayer for every entrepreneur,is to go into your passion and push yourself to the limit.

By 2006,we did not have as many or as big supermarkets as we have today. Interestingly,when we went to pitch to supply their new branches with goods,(on credit of course)supplier numbers were evenly comparable to employment seekers. What tugged at my heart was seeing elder men and women,probably in their retirement years building a a young business, with a weekly order value  of about 30,000 shillings,and deep inside I thanked God I started early. At least I had time to make mistakes,correct them and get back on,but at fifty five or sixty,the odds are not  quite the same. What do I say? Start early. Now is the earliest you have,so you have time to perfect your art,even a hobby,while you have the energy to run around chasing payments and seeking credit to fly higher.

Had I not had the accident,would I be 'me' now?   

I don't know.

Do I wish you the same?

God forbid!

But I do earnestly hope my circumstances propel you on.

You will never regret your decision .Like they say,there is always room at the top. Aim high. and like Nelson Mandela said : 

"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,

but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine,
we consciously give other people permission
to do the same.As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others."