If you helped break them up, you will be the last person he will ever hook up with

Sean is newly single again. Depending on which side of the bar counter you are seated, this may be good news, as if straight from that popular Bible version. The good news which proclaims amazing things to sufferers-suffering single girls with a hot dude in the neighborhood- that is.
But Sean has been single before ,or rather has fallen out of love before(if it is him giving the marching orders), what other people call being dumped, if he were just left there agape, arms open as if in an expectation to embrace but with nothing to embrace-anymore. But those occurrences, despite being numerous, quiet numerous, have never ever warranted a summons for an extra-ordinary meeting of the brother hood.
What caused congregations at the bar counter straight from work this cold Tuesday evening, other than the cold beer and nuts of course, was that fact that some new news had surfaced in the Sean singleness saga. One of his friends, a girl, was involved. In fact, according to Sean’s findings this girl(friend) Jemima encouraged the demise of their relationship by feeding his girlfriend then, subtle yet well placed bunyebwa call them pointers to suggest the guy was not all that worth it. He is a flirt, with a string of exes, who she seemed to know all too well-despicable choice for girlfriends I tell you- and Sean’s family is not the marrying type; Jemima intimated to girlfriend-now ex, in the spirit of looking out for each other as girls.
This information seemed only shocking to Sean, who for all his skill and smooth talk had never known that this girl had her sights set on him. Therefore when most immediate past girlfriend left in a huff, Jemima was there to provide consolation as any loyal friend would. Thank God for such friends! But her strategy had one omission, she did not cover her tracks well, otherwise this beer and nuts we were taking while mulling over a very sensitive situation would have been spared.
Men, hate to feel stupid-even if they are, hood winked or tricked. They prefer that they be the ones to do that and not the other way round. So, the Sean who had been getting to terms with his dumped-ass state, with the comfort and reliable shoulder of Jemima, has suddenly turned cold and distant to the sudden worry and disturbance of the girl, a worry which led her to concernedly come asking what the problem might be. Is Sean coming down with a fever? He left all the food I sent him untouched last night, and all my calls and texts have gone unanswered!
Much as the bar-counter session did not come out with any useful suggestions; well by the time we were coming to resolution time, the bar was closing, hence the adjournment, it at least provided clarity to Sean that he had been set up. And it was not like he did not like his neighbor/friend/man hunter Jemima, he did. But I am sure you have all heard of that famous man-ego which will not accept help even if that help comes with good intentions-in this case kicking the then girlfriend’ s backside so he can have space for more favorably suiting girls-in Jemima’s view any way.
Men are like Lions, never hyenas. They hunt and may fail to kill, but if they will eat, they must have hunted the prey. Hyenas on the other hand are more opportunistic. They learned leverage well in jungle strategy school. They will keep a seemingly disinterested distance till the dirty work is done, and they will move in for the sharing or pieces most times. A lion is not one if it cannot do its dirty work. Its ancestors will disown it.
So, girls, if you ever get involved in this delicate balancing game of relationship power-sharing corridor negotiation, have this in mind, if you help ease his dumping, make sure he never knows about it, or better still, if he is stuck with someone unsuitable according to your analysis, tell him, or pray for him. Prayer works. Otherwise you are likely to be the last one, once again on that list of new considerations.
And oh, Jemima’s calls have not been returned. Not likely they will be.

This 'dogs are men thing'...er 'men are dogs';my final say

Once in a while, a man comes forward, in this era of ‘men -bashing’, to set the record straight, or let us say, to contribute to a majorly female dominated discussion. I have been nominated this time. So I will be telling you about issues you wish you knew about men.
You see, a lot of 'truths' you think you have about the menfolk are actually myths. You know why? Because they have been passed on by fellow women, who are not men (duh!) so they don't know how a man reasons, what a man wants and why men do what they do.

I believe in world peace and harmony, so I have decided that the more women and girls know the truth about men, the better we shall all co -relate and live happily-ever after.

Of course I don't expect all smiles, especially from the ‘brothers’ who will regard me as a snitch and wish to pour beer on me for telling on them, but I believe they will see the light -soon. That this is for their own good too...and anyway if the beer was poured properly I won't lodge any complaints either.

So, here we go.
Where did you ever get the concept that men are dogs? How can you even liken us-fathers, husbands, boyfriends, brothers-basically, the best creatures to have walked this earth, to a dog! Beats me!
Okay, people who keep dogs (I don't know many people who do) tell me that dogs are God-sent. They are humble, polite, loyal and protective. They would rather catch the grenade and die; if that is what is required-rather than let their master, or mistresses in this case, even sustain a scratch from that thing. Great aspects of character, if you ask me. May be that is why we may be referred to as dogs too. If that is the source of our so-naming, I can say I understand.

But No-someone here is screaming, the noun ‘dog’ here has a negative connotation, from the arguments at least.

Out of the arguments I have listened to, and those I have had the pleasure to eaves-drop on, this is the worst connotation that can be put in the same sentence with men, since filth.

Most will say that that being called a dog has nothing to do with sexual conquests. No?
You see , dogs, just like men, normally hang out together- clubs on weekends, strip clubs on Thursday’s, a bar on the other nights of the week, Rugby on Saturday while looking for something new to hit. Okay. I may agree there. Some men behave like dogs.

In their defense, even dogs sometimes tire of waiting for something to happen, like keeping the house where no thief ever breaks in, but once you have their attention, you need to keep it.
Dogs like attention. Please provide it, or they may roam, a little too far sometimes.
But you may argue still, that those are the stray dogs. Again-true.
Good dogs are well bred, and are equally well behaved. But if you get to the point of calling your spouse, boyfriend or someone you have never met, a dog, what would you be doing keeping around them, if I may ask?

Now, the point here is for you to pay attention while selecting your dog, and your man, if I may painfully use the two in the same sentence. Once you miss out on good genetic and family traits, even certified training may not get the best out of them.
So it should come as no surprise when a girl meets a guy and her mind is set to ‘All men are dogs’ mode. This is where the problem lies. Ask a girl to write a page on what a bad boyfriend is and she will write a novel –like volume. Ask her to write down what a good man is and she will write ‘Someone who treats me well’, with a full smile to boot.
The reason, my sister ,you may miss the ‘good man boat’ is that you are so busy looking for a dog in every man, than looking for the good men, and the universe ,karma, God, whatever you prefer to call it doesn’t disappoint.
Something else you may need to know; if you meet a guy who is being genuine and treat or speak to him as if he is a fake (dog) you have just ended the game even before the first whistle. You need to start paying more attention to the ‘potential husband/good boyfriend traits’ and not just focus on the ‘All men are dogs traits’.
It’s you that will suffer if you miss the 7 good things your man did yesterday but spent the whole next day dwelling on that one thing he did that you didn’t like. If you automatically expect a man to be a dog, you will treat him like a dog and yes he will (in your mind) become a dog.
The next night out when you meet a guy you like, and you notice something you don’t like, it doesn’t mean he is a dog it just means you’ve got some work to do. Men tend to do the same.

For those who believe they got dogs for men, a little paring shot here; look for the best in them, and may be keep that opinion to yourself (and your girlfriends) otherwise the day he learns that he may simply go out of his way to act to your expectations-you know how people are psychological beings and how they try to live up to their expectations, good or bad, right?
And, oh- don’t allow dog-like terms to be used in reference to anyone no matter their sex. It is abusive.
And unless you are keep dogs for pets, my advice would be to let them go roam-far away from you; and only you can do that.

Baby,do I look fat in this?

..and with that inquisition,the sanity of full nations is put at stake. You see,intelligent people tell us that a family is the core unit of every nation.Destroy it and an entire nation is going down.The assumption of course is,that by the time such a question is posed,you are in a family setting,even if it's just the two of you,or maybe just one of you has intentions, however far fetched.That is why this is an important question,and its answer must be offered with the weight it deserves.

If you are wise,and I assume you are,other wise you would not be reading this,don't answer.Exercise your constitutional right to remain silent.This serves you in two ways;one you avoid the avalanche that comes your way if you answer correctly and two,you keep in her good books when you don't have an answer.That prevents you from giving the right answer and hence being swept away by aforesaid avalanche..in today's speak;tsunami.

But let us assume you waive your right,and answer,metaphorically speaking,what are your options?
1. You could say 'Yes dear.You look fat.'
2.'Oh my Gawd.Is that you! You look amazing!'
2(a) i. 'No way.How could you even consider that.Of course you are (not fat).'

But like I said,answering in itself is foolhardy.You see,my friend,ladies who ask such questions are hard to understand. They may require different answers for the same questions from different people. If you are her bosom buddy and you are used to being honest to each other,give it to her the way it is. "Yes,dear,you look fat"...or "No my dear,what got into you,you are thinn"(with double n).Then she will smile and thank you for your friendship.
But if you are either man,husband,boyfriend,or even a one-night -stand your chances lie in psychology.Find out whether lady-in -question,,is really fat but is in denial.You answer is No.2 above.
If she is really fat ind she wants to lose weight or even seriously is looking for a fashion opinion,you must have guessed that your answer is no.1.Say it with a sweet smile and a caress to her(likely to be )fat arm. No guarantees though.

Or perhaps she is really thin,or to be politically correct,'not fat',but wants to know whether bananas recently eaten have been transformed into ass,I trust you are wise enough to choose your response wisely. Even I have no answer.Go with your gut.

Or,make up something.Force your phone to ring at that time. Pray a bee stings you that particular moment. Anything.
Because if you ever answer not rightly.... That will be the last answer yo are ever allowed to give in a long time,and I hope ou don't frget you would have put an entire nation's behind on a sigiri.

Don't tell me nuthin'. All men are dogs. tsk

Over the next couple of months,I will be writing about issues you wish you knew about men. You see,a lot of 'truths' you think you have about the menfolk are actually myths.You know why? Because they have been passed on by fellow women,who are not men(duh) so they don't know how a man reasons,what he wants and why men do what they do.

I believe in world peace and harmony,so I have decided that the more women and girls know the truth about men,the better we shall co -relate and live happier.

Of course I don't expect all smiles,especially from the brothas who will regard me as a snitch and wish to pour beer on me for telling on them,but I believe they will see the light soon.That this is for their won good too...and anyway if the beer was poured properly I won't lodge any complaints either.

So,here we go.
Where did you ever get the concept that men are dogs? How can you even liken us ,the best creatures to have walked this earth, to a dog! Beats me.
Okay ,people who keep dogs( I don't have any people I know who do ) tell me that dogs are God-sent.They are humble,polite ,loyal and protective.Great aspects of character,if you ask me.May be that is why we may be referred to as dogs too.

But No,someone here is screaming,The noun dog here has a negative connotation,for what,you tell me.

Small break as I be updated.....

Yes.I am back.
Out of my class,attended while you waited,we did not agree with the student teacher.But student teacher says that being a dog has nothing to do with sexual conquests.No? Yes(uumm she lied,it does).But the point ,normally dogs hang out together, clubs on weekends, strip clubs on Thursday’s, a bar on the other nights of the week,Rugby on Saturday while looking for something new to hit. Okay. I may agree there.

In our defense,even dogs sometimes tire of waiting for something to happen,(you get the point if you are the type)but once you have their attention,you need to keep it. It's not them,it's you.

But my promise of the whole truth about our ilk will be honored. See you after break.
Class dismissed.